The Circle of Life

Yes, I know, I have been an absentee blogger again. I am so sorry and hopefully things will return to normal someday soon. I seriously doubt it though. After all, look at the title to my little page on the internet. My world has been WAY crazy and WAY mixed up as of late, but doesn't seem quite so "little" any longer. Many things, HUGE things, happened in my life over the past week. Things that are life altering and will have a profound affect on me. These things have touched me in a way that I am compelled to tell my story to everyone that will listen.

It all began last Friday. I received a call from my father letting me know that my step-grandfather, Papaw, was not doing well. You see, Papaw had a ravenous form of cancer that had been attacking and eating its way through his body for the past several months. Daddy told me that Papaw had spiked a fever and lost consciousness Friday morning and things didn't look good. I explained that I had a commitment on Friday evening that I had to keep, but I would be up (to Dandridge) first thing Saturday morning. I was not prepared for what I saw when I walked into my grandparents' living room on Saturday morning. There lay my Papaw in a hospital bed. The man who had always been so strong and intimidating was now just a frail and weak little man. To say I was taken aback is quite an understatement. I last saw Papaw in June and he was his normal self, laughing joking and teasing. But, Saturday I could tell things were probably not going to be the same again. The hospice nurses were telling the family that Papaw was facing his final hours of life. He was pretty much none responsive. His eyes were mostly glazed over; however, occasionally we would say something to him and he would respond with a grunt or a squeeze of the hand. We all just prayed that God would let His will be done in a quick manner so that Papaw wouldn't have to suffer any longer.

Papaw came into my life when I was 8, and Daddy and Fris got married. With me growing up in Florida and Papaw being a truck driver, I only saw him in the summer when I was visiting he was not out on the road. Needless to say, we weren't as close as I was with my other grandfathers; but, I loved him nonetheless. As an adult, I didn't really do anything to grow our relationship. I would see Papaw at holiday gatherings and family functions, but never really went out of my way to go to his house for "no special reason". I invited Papaw and Mamaw to Kaylea's birthday parties every year, but they only came to the first two. Once again, we were family members and we loved each other, but we weren't actively involved in each other's daily lives.

It was strange though, when I saw him laying in that bed, all of our history seemed to be erased. I sat at his bedside and held his hand and wiped his brow. I rubbed his arms and legs and kissed his cheek. I told him I loved him and not to worry, everything was going to be ok. I sat with Papaw all day on that Saturday and didn't want to leave that night, but I did. ThiThi and I came home and cooked food to take to the family bright and early on Sunday morning. When we returned Sunday, I sat and held his hand and wiped his brow; rubbed his arms and legs and kissed his cheek. And I told him I loved him and not to worry, everything was going to be ok. Once again on Sunday evening I didn't want to leave him, but I did. ThiThi and I came home and tried to get some rest; then back we went on Monday morning. When we returned on Monday I sat and held his hand and wiped his brow; rubbed his arms and legs and kissed his cheek. And I told him I loved him and not to worry, everything was going to be ok. When it came time to go home I didn't want to leave, but I did. This time, however, ThiThi and I told Fris, Mamaw and my brother that we were going to come back and sit with Papaw through the night. At that time, we didn't know why we wanted to or felt called to come back, but we just did.

Over those three days, many times the question was asked, "Why doesn't God just end Papaw's suffering?" "Why hasn't God taken him yet?" And many times, the answer was, "God isn't through with Papaw; He is still using him to do His work." Then Papaw's preacher said, "God has great plans for Papaw, but now He is using him to touch someones life and bring them to Him." It was also suggested by the hospice nurses that Papaw wasn't ready to go and he was waiting to make sure his family would be ok. They encouraged us to talk to Papaw and tell him that we would be ok and that he could go now. All of us took our turn and we had that conversation, but Papaw was still holding on.

On Monday evening, ThiThi, Papaw's son David, Papaw's sister Mary and I sat up all night. We took turns holding his hand and talking to him. There were times when he was unconscious and at other times he was aware of our presence. He actually tried to talk to Mary and David at one point, but unfortunately we couldn't understand what he was saying. We kept telling him we were all ok and he could go Home now. But for some reason he just hung in there. About 10am Tuesday morning, ThiThi and I were getting ready to leave to come home and we were saying our goodbyes to Papaw. He mumbled, "Mom". ThiThi asked him, "Papaw, do you see your Mom?" He replied, "Uh, huh." (His Mom died about 20 years ago) Then he began squinting his eyes real tight as if the sun were shining in his eyes. ThiThi asked him, "Papaw, do you see a bright light?" He replied, "Uh, huh." We both kissed him on the forehead and told him we loved him and then we left.

Naturally, we both were exhausted. On the way home we made plans to take naps and return later in the afternoon. When I got home I glanced at my answering machine and the message light was blinking. I was almost afraid to play the message, but knew that I had to. Imagine my surprise and excitement when I played the message and heard a lady from the Sevier County Schools asking me to call her back that day to schedule an interview for a Teacher Assistant position. If you don't remember, I have been trying to get this very job, with no luck, for the last 4 years. Of course, I immediately called back and she wanted to know if I could come in for an interview at 1:30 that afternoon. Naturally, I told her I would be there. Then I hurried to shower and wake myself enough to drive to Sevierville. My interview went very well and was over within about 20-30 minutes. At its conclusion, I was offered the job. Yeah, me! I was so happy; finally the prayer that I had prayed so many times over the last 4 years had finally been answered. I left the school board office and immediately went to take my physical so that I could start to work on Wednesday morning. After my physical I called Bub with the good news.

When I called Bub, I was absolutely giddy. I finally had the job that I had pretty much given up on. As a matter of fact, my application had expired the Friday before my interview, because I hadn't renewed it at the beginning of this school year. I was telling Bub all of the oddities of getting the job offer and when I paused long enough for him to speak, he said, "Jenni, I am so happy for you. I hope this is everything you want. Now, I hate to do this to you, but I am going to have to burst your bubble. Papaw died. Missy called and said that Papaw passed away around 2:00." I almost had to pull off the road. You see Papaw died at almost the same time that I was offered my job. All I could do was cry and wonder.

All I know is I believe in prayers being answered; however, we can't set the timeline for when they will be answered. God works in His own time. For whatever reason, I wasn't meant to work at the school until now. And for whatever reason, Papaw's time to go Home wasn't until 2:00 on Tuesday. After meeting the children in my class, I know God has special plans for me, as well. We have a few children with special needs and I think God has placed me with them for a reason. And as for Papaw, I know that he is in his special place. He is happy and free from all of his pain. And I just hope he knows how much I love him and that he was a true blessing to me!

I Have Found My New Career Choice

When I grow up I want to work for the county. Yes, I said the country. You see, I think it fits my job criteria to a tee:

1. Good Pay


2. Not too strenuous


3. Promotes social interaction


4. Encourages physical activity

I came to this conclusion after watching the paving crew that was working(?) in our neighborhood on Friday. Take a look for yourself:

As you can see from the gentlemen on the left, they are mastering the art of social interaction. Heck, I bet they were Employees of the Year because not only can they talk, but they can walk at the same time. Now that is muli-tasking at its finest.

Then, we have the two hunky fellas on the right. They are getting their physical activity while they are working (o.k. so maybe the word "working" is a little bit of a stretch. How about I say, while they are getting paid to work). You know they must have burned at least 50 calories walking behind that paver at less than 1 miler per hour.

Finally, we have the gentleman in the back of the paver. (Notice I am protecting his identity so his wife won't find out how hard his job REALLY is.) After observing him, I think I would be able to handle the stress level of the job.

I hope you all will be supportive of me as I transition into my new career. I just hope I am qualified for the job. hmmmmmmm??????????

I'm Washing and Drying and Folding, OH MY!!!!

I HATE LAUNDRY!!! I HATE LAUNDRY!!! I HATE LAUNDRY!!! Oh and have I ever mentioned that I HATE LAUNDRY!!!

As I am working on getting my ELEVEN, yes that's 1-1, as in the number after 10 and before 12, loads of laundry done I can feel my blood beginning to boil. And no, I haven't put it off too long, this is my weekly chore. I keep asking myself, "Why do I hate this chore so much?" There are just soooooo many reasons, running through my head right now, let me share a few:

1. This is a chore that is never complete. When I finish load eleven, there will still be dirty clothes to wash, because I don't strip down the family and make everyone run around naked while I'm doing laundry.

2. My loving daughter doesn't know how to take socks off without turning them inside out. This results in me either having to turn them as I sort them, or if I miss one, it gets washed that way and doesn't get very clean. Thus I have to wash it again which adds to the whole thought, "the chore is never complete."

3. Since we're talking about socks, why do I always have mismatches????? Where do they go?

4. Neither my hubby nor my daughter put their dirty clothes in the hamper. This turns laundry day into a sort of scavenger hunt. I - DON'T - LIKE - SCAVENGER - HUNTS!!!!!

5. When I sort the laundry, I typically find all of Kaylea's jeans with one leg inside out and a pair of panties still attached. I'm quite sure the stores don't sell little girls jeans with built-in underwear, so it has to be the way she undresses, ya think?

6. This is MY chore. Goodness knows we don't want Bub to help out with this one. I love him and his effort, but normally it just makes more work for me (i.e. he washes everything together, red/black/white, it doesn't matter; he washes a load and forgets to dry it, thus creating a soured mildewy surprise for me when I open the washer; he puts my clothes away in the strangest places, then I can't find anything for months) I'm sure you get the picture.

7. Kaylea is of the mindset that if she tries something on but decides not to wear it, well, it's dirty and must go in the hamper. Therefore, I am constantly washing clean clothes. Really, she is just too lazy to hang the things back up or fold them and put them back away. It's a lot easier to throw them in the hamper!!! (Easier for WHO, I ask?????)

8. It's the one chore that no one can tell you have done. How many times has someone come into your home and complemented you on how nice your laundry looks? Yea, me neither and everyone knows that I am a complement freak!!!!!

I guess, if I did a load every day or so, it wouldn't be so overwhelming; but damn, why would I want to put myself through this angst on a daily basis? I am still trying to figure out where the hatred comes from. All I can figure is it's Mom's fault. You see my ThiThi hates laundry, as well. So it has to be something that happened during our childhood. Maybe Mom chained us to the washer and dryer or banished us to the utility room for time out. Of course neither of us have any memories of these horrible things being done, but MAYBE we have just blocked them from our minds. Yes, yes, yes, this must be it. I knew there was a reason.

Well, my friends, I must go; my dryer buzzer is calling me!!!!!!!!!!


UPDATE:
It is now 24 hours later and load 11 has come out of the dryer. Of course there are more clothes waiting for me, already.

I'm Really Not A Bum!

You have to understand, when Kaylea started Kindergarten I thought it would be great if I could get a job working at her school. You know, I could be close if she needed me, we would be on the same schedule and it would get me out of the house during the day while she was at school. I immediately thought that a Teacher Assistant (TA) position would be a perfect fit. So, I went to the county offices and filled out an application and asked how I should proceed from there. The nice lady told me that all of the TAs were hired by the Principals at the school, so I would need to go to all of the schools that was interested in and talk to the Principals. Well, that was easy enough (so I thought) since I was only interested in working at Kaylea's school. So, I went to the office at her school and gave the Principal a copy of my resume and spoke with her about my interest. She told me that she hired her TAs from her parent volunteers and substitute teachers. She then advised me to get on the county's sub list and volunteer whenever possible. Well, I took this advise to heart and went back down to the county offices and submitted my application to substitute teach. I, also, became a regular fixture in Kaylea's Kindergarten classroom. The whole subbing thing didn't really take off during Kindergarten, though. You see, the teachers were responsible for acquiring their own subs and none of them knew me, thus they didn't call me. About half way through the year, Kaylea's teacher let me in a little secret. He told me that the substitutes made business cards and passed them out to the teachers so that the teachers would have their phone number. So, I decided I can play their little game and I designed my own business cards and put them in the teachers' mailboxes. Still no calls. Apparently, teachers will not call a sub that they do not know. Talk about a catch 22.

At the beginning of 1st grade I made more business cards and put them in the teachers' mailboxes, again. Then things really started to take off (I put my picture on these business cards so the teachers would recognize my face - see I'm smart!). I was volunteering and substituting all the time. I didn't want to sub at any other schools, though. You see this would defeat my purpose. Remember, I wanted to be seen subbing and volunteering by the Principal at Kaylea's school. You know, so that I would be considered for a TA position should one become available. Imagine my dismay when I found out that the Principal was retiring at the end of Kaylea's 1st grade year. Now, imagine my disappointment when I didn't get a job offer before she left. Basically, I was going to be starting over with the new Principal.

At the beginning of 2nd grade I made more business cards with magnets attached to the backs (so the teachers could stick them to a file cabinet or desk and easily see them when needed). I, also, made chocolate lollipops shaped like apples that I attached to the business cards (hey, I'm not above schmoozing) and put these in the mailboxes, once again. I went into the office with my resume in hand and introduced myself to the new Principal and discussed my interest with her. I was in shock when she told me she didn't have anything to do with the hiring, it was handled by the Central Office. So, here I was, feeling very frustrated and confused. I decided I wasn't going to let it bother me and I would just sub. After all, this way I could set my own hours and I didn't have to work if I didn't want to. Well, I stayed pretty busy subbing and volunteering, but nothing like the previous school year. You see, the new Principal put the responsibility of acquiring subs on one of the secretaries, so it didn't matter what kind of relationship I had managed to build with the teachers. I did have a good rapport with the secretary, so she would call me frequently; however, she tried to keep things fair for all of the subs so the work wasn't as abundant as in the past.

Now, this year, Kaylea has moved up from the Primary School to the Intermediate School where there are no TAs (except in SPED). So I am left still trying to get a TA job at the Primary School; however, I am hardly there anymore. The responsibility of acquiring subs has been given to a new secretary this year and I just don't get the calls. Also, since Kaylea doesn't go to school there anymore, I am not in the building volunteering. When I am at the school subbing I see all these new subs wandering the hallways, all of which have kids at the school. I have really been made a firm believer in "out of sight, out of mind." So, you can see, I'm really not a Bum. I really want to work; the phone just isn't ringing.

Oh, and did I forget to mention, I have a Bachelor's Degree in Elementary Education? I know you are probably thinking, "Why is a degreed teacher not able to get a Teacher's Assistant position?" Well, I have asked myself the same question many many times. But, oh yeah, I also forgot to tell you what county we live in. You see we are in Sevier County and unfortunately my last name is not Parton, Reagan or Ogle. I have been told many times over that in this county it isn't what you know, but who you know. Too bad for me that I am from Florida and my husband's family is from Pennsylvania; I guess we just don't run in the right circles. You just gotta love the Good 'ole Boy Network, don't cha!