Tales From The Dressing Room

Yes, my friends, after going to Splash Country the other day I actually got inspired to go swimsuit shopping. It's kinda funny how spending a day looking at other women with unfortunate bodies, such as myself, could inspire me to do the one thing I hate most in this world. I don't really get it either; but, for some reason I thought it was a good idea to go skirtini shopping.

So yesterday ThiThi, Kaylea and I hit the Mall and began the torture. Well, I was being tortured; I believe ThiThi and Kaylea went along for the amusement of it all.

Here are just a few of the incidents and comments that came from inside our dressing room:

• After trying on a loser of a suit I was removing the bottoms and realized the hygienic liner was stuck to my - uh - upper inner thigh (if you get the picture). I tried to gently peel it off but found, though it wouldn't stick to the crotch of the bathing suit any longer, it had appeared to have permanently affixed itself to me. What was I to do but to give it one quick pull and presto, I gave myself a wax job, also. (I always knew there was a reason I hadn't gone to see the little Vietnamese ladies about a "wass job."


• ThiThi critiquing one suit, "So what flavor of muffin is that?"


• Me, while looking at my ass in a skirtini in a 3-way mirror, "There must be something wrong with this suit. The back is shorter than the front!" (Wouldn't have anything to do with the hump and bump giving the skirt a little lift on the backside, ya think?)


• ThiThi to the sales associate that asked if we had a preference on dressing rooms, "We just need a big one. There will be a lot of wrastling going on in there."


• Me, while browsing the Miracle Suits, "For some reason I just don't think that one will be quite 'Miraculous' enough for me."


• Me, "Those draws ain't quite deep enough. You know I like me some deep'ins!"


• ThiThi to me after a full day of fun, "You know this is the worst time of the month for you to be doing this, don't you?"

And finally, the award for Funniest Comment of the Day goes to................................KAYLEA! She, so innocently said, "Ya know, Aunt Missy, I think that tag that says, 'Look 10 lbs slimmer in 10 seconds' is just a lie." Out of the mouths of babes. What can I say?

Oh, and for those of you wondering if I walked away from the Mall with a suit. Well, yes, I did. Here is the one I got. Unfortunately, I have a little more fluff than the invisi-model the company used for the picture. But, overall, it covered what needed to be covered and wasn't too appauling.

So, see all you gals and Splash Country this summer!