WRONG - On So Many Levels!

As I was drinking my cup of coffee and reading the Sunday paper (online of course), I came upon this story on the News Sentinel's website: "Back in 'mama's arms': 2-year-old boy found in cornfield".

Ya know, I have several problems with this story. The first being, why wasn't Little Cody's grandmother watching him a little closer? I know when Kaylea was 2 years old we wouldn't even let her play in her room unless one of us was in there with her. I don't understand how the grandmother could have had any kind of level of comfort in not watching him constantly. Especially considering the fact that their family's home is surrounded by a 50-acre cornfield which is surrounded by ponds. Oh yeah, I would be totally comfortable with Kaylea running around out there - NOT!!!!

Something else that just hits me as wrong is that the grandmother called to report Cody missing at 9:44 PM (yes, PM) and he had been missing for about 30 minutes at that time. Let me reiterate - the child is TWO! Why on earth is a two year old playing (1) alone (2) alone outside (3) alone outside at 9:15 PM?

Finally, I have to ask, why didn't the local or surrounding police/sheriff departments/TBI use helicopters to look for this child. We hear about authorities using helicopters to find marijuana fields and moonshine stills, but could they not bring them out to look for a missing child? This blows my mind. For some reason someone, somewhere thought that a 200 person search team was a better idea. Well, that better idea resulted in the child spending the night alone, wet, hungry and scared to death in a cornfield.

I guess we all need to be thankful that Cody had a guardian angel with him that night. He was found unharmed and was very happy to be reunited with his "mama". I can only imagine the relief his mom and grandmother must have felt when the officials emerged from that cornfield with Cody in their arms. I'm sure it was a relief to the officials, as well.

Now, I just have one final question to ask everyone involved in this story (Grandmother, Mom, Officials). Did you learn anything from this????????????

Strong Country Women

That is what my family is made of. The Doctors removed Auntie H's breathing tube yesterday at 2:10 pm. As of now, she is still breathing on her own. This is something that the Doctors were sure she could not do. She, also, has pneumonia and a temp, but she is still hanging in there.

We have joked that Auntie H is going to die in the same manner she lived her life - ON HER OWN TERMS! No one is going to pull a plug and tell her when she will die; only she, and her Maker, can make that decision.

God bless those strong country women! Hopefully, I was blessed with just a smidgen of their strength and will.

Good-Bye, For Now

Auntie H,

Thank you for being such a great Aunt;
You have given me many happy memories that I will cherish.
A star in my life has burned out;
My skies will no longer be as bright.
I will not mourn for you, though;
I will mourn for myself instead.
You have reached your destination;
Your Heavenly Life will now begin.
I will not say good-bye, forever;
I will merely say good-bye, for now.


I love you,
Jenni

Prayers, Again

We received a phone call Thursday afternoon from our Mom telling us that her sister, Auntie H, had collapsed of a heart attack. Since then, we have been waiting by the phone for instructions on when to leave to travel north. My Aunt has a bad heart and has had several surgeries in the past. This time it doesn't appear that a surgery is going to fix things, though. When she collapsed Thursday, CPR was started immediately then the Paramedics hit her with the paddles three times before transporting her to the hospital. She is currently attached to a breathing machine and it non-responsive to all of the brain wave tests. My Uncle and cousins were to meet with the Doctor this morning for him to advise them on how to proceed. Auntie H. has a living will; however, there is a MI state law that requires the family to wait for a certain amount of time before disconnecting life support. At this point, we do not know when the life support will be disconnected or how long Auntie H will survive without it. So, we are just waiting.

This is all too scary for me. Auntie H isn't that much older than my mom or Bub's parents. I try real hard not to think about the reality that they won't be with us forever. The logical part of me knows that all of us will pass on and we have no control over when this will happen. But the non-logical part of me hopes we can stay together on this earth forever.

I am feeling comforted right now by knowing that Auntie H will soon be in a better place, if she isn't already. She will be filled with love and happiness and all of her pain will go away. I should not wish for her to stay here with me; that is selfish. I need to find joy in the fact that she is going to be reunited with all of her loved ones that have passed before her. She will be able to hug Papaw, Mamaw, Uncle John, Aunt Bonnie, Granny, Pop, Carol, Frank and all the other people that meant so much to her throughout her life.

I guess the prayer that I would ask all of you to make, would be one for strength and comfort for Uncle C, Thom and Beth, Bindy and Bob, Dawn and Scott, Will and Casey, Dylan and Laura, Mom and Aunt Shash, and the rest of us that love Auntie H.

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's Off To Camp We Go!

I can't wait. We are heading to the mountains this weekend to relax and commune with nature. Now this is a totally different kind of camping than what Kaylea and I were doing with my Mom and JimBob a few weeks back. There will be no campers with air conditioning or TVs with cable on this trip - OH HELL NO!!!!. We are going to Elkmont. For those of you that aren't local, Elkmont is a campground in the National Park and there is NO electric or running water on the sites. As a matter of fact, they don't even have bath houses to get all of your unmentionables, mentionable again.

So these kinds of camping trips require a lot of planning. The list making and shoping begins well in advance. So far, ThiThi and I have made one Wally run, but there will be at least one more - heck maybe two more - before Friday.

Now, here are just a few of the things that we bring along for a weekend in the woods.

• Ceiling fan for the tent - Hey, it's gonna be hot AND I can't sleep if I'm hot AND I get grumpy(er) when I can't sleep AND if I get grumpy, a good time will be had by none. That's why Bub didn't blink at the well invested $20 for a ceiling fan for the tent.
• Extra batteries - For the ceiling fan, of course.
• Broom Handle - aka Bear Whackin' Stick. This is a story in itself. Read here.
• Kaylea's Bike - so she can entertain herself and won't drive all of us crazy.
• Margerator - I guess if I run out of batteries for my ceiling fan, I will just drink enough Margaritas to help me sleep. Ha Ha and you thought we were roughing it.
• Feminine Cleansing Cloths - I don't think I really need to explain this one; especially since I have already told you there are no bath houses, hhhhhmmmmmmmmmm. And besides, Wet Ones really stink!
• Baby Powder - I am going to try out RimaRama's trick.
• Baseball Caps - In case RimaRama's trick doesn't work.
• Our NEW lawn chairs - For kicking back and relaxing. Oh, and here's a shoutout to the ass holes that stole our old lawn chairs off the front porch. Heck, I would have let you borrow them; because I'm nice and all that. But now, you have just ticked me off. Stealing lawn chairs?????? I'm confused, could you not do any better?????? Ya know we had a garden hose out front, too????? (Sorry, I needed to get that off my chest.)

So, if anyone wants to come on up and join us for Margaritas and S'mores on Saturday night, just come on. If you pass out, I ain't sharing my ceiling fan, though.

Tales From The Dressing Room

Yes, my friends, after going to Splash Country the other day I actually got inspired to go swimsuit shopping. It's kinda funny how spending a day looking at other women with unfortunate bodies, such as myself, could inspire me to do the one thing I hate most in this world. I don't really get it either; but, for some reason I thought it was a good idea to go skirtini shopping.

So yesterday ThiThi, Kaylea and I hit the Mall and began the torture. Well, I was being tortured; I believe ThiThi and Kaylea went along for the amusement of it all.

Here are just a few of the incidents and comments that came from inside our dressing room:

• After trying on a loser of a suit I was removing the bottoms and realized the hygienic liner was stuck to my - uh - upper inner thigh (if you get the picture). I tried to gently peel it off but found, though it wouldn't stick to the crotch of the bathing suit any longer, it had appeared to have permanently affixed itself to me. What was I to do but to give it one quick pull and presto, I gave myself a wax job, also. (I always knew there was a reason I hadn't gone to see the little Vietnamese ladies about a "wass job."


• ThiThi critiquing one suit, "So what flavor of muffin is that?"


• Me, while looking at my ass in a skirtini in a 3-way mirror, "There must be something wrong with this suit. The back is shorter than the front!" (Wouldn't have anything to do with the hump and bump giving the skirt a little lift on the backside, ya think?)


• ThiThi to the sales associate that asked if we had a preference on dressing rooms, "We just need a big one. There will be a lot of wrastling going on in there."


• Me, while browsing the Miracle Suits, "For some reason I just don't think that one will be quite 'Miraculous' enough for me."


• Me, "Those draws ain't quite deep enough. You know I like me some deep'ins!"


• ThiThi to me after a full day of fun, "You know this is the worst time of the month for you to be doing this, don't you?"

And finally, the award for Funniest Comment of the Day goes to................................KAYLEA! She, so innocently said, "Ya know, Aunt Missy, I think that tag that says, 'Look 10 lbs slimmer in 10 seconds' is just a lie." Out of the mouths of babes. What can I say?

Oh, and for those of you wondering if I walked away from the Mall with a suit. Well, yes, I did. Here is the one I got. Unfortunately, I have a little more fluff than the invisi-model the company used for the picture. But, overall, it covered what needed to be covered and wasn't too appauling.

So, see all you gals and Splash Country this summer!

Splash Country - The Best Ego Boost In The South

Ya know, if you look over to the right side of my little Blog page you will find The Ever Growing List of Random Things I Hate. Well, about two-thirds of the way down the list I have mentioned my distaste for "Big Women in Bikinis." After spending a day a Splash Country yesterday, I do believe that I need to revise this dislike AND give it a little higher billing on my list. How about I change the dislike to, "Women Who Wear Bikinis And SHOULDN'T."

Now, let me start out by saying that I am NO frail flower. I have a little extra meat on my bones and could benefit by going back to Weight Watchers for, oh say, a year or two. It is because of my cottage cheese thighs and muffin top that I absolutely hate the idea of going out in public in a swimsuit. If I could find a fashionable Berka, that would be the beach/pool clothing of choice for me. However, since the Taliban has yet to get into the swimsuit business, I continue to settle for my girdlish Carol Wior suits that keep the bulging stuff, stuffed in, and the sagging stuff, lifted up. You see, I am brutally honest with myself and I use these things called MIRRORS when I try on a bathing suit. And yes, I have even looked in the ----- THREE-WAY MIRROR ----- in the fitting room before making my final bathing suit selection. Yes, I know that is a scary thought for some women out there. Looking in that mean ole three-way mirror that lets us get the view of everything comin' and goin', but as scary as the sight is, I always choose to take a look. The way I figure it is, I would rather have a private dressing room viewing of how bad things look so that I can opt out of the tankini that makes my trunk look a little to junky; as oppose to, oh say, several thousand people having a public viewing at a water theme park.

Now, back to Splash Country yesterday. I am convinced that the majority of the females that were there either (a) looked at themselves in a carnival mirror before leaving home, or (b) not only didn't own a mirror - they hadn't even heard of one, or (c) had way too much self confidence for their own good.

Now, I must say, it isn't just the big women/girls that I am referring to. Yes, there was a fair share of large women in all sorts of disastrous swimwear. Like, the very large woman in a bikini whose belly hung soooooo low that her bottoms (swimsuit, that is) were barely visible (oh, her other "bottoms" were VERY visible and, yes, she appeared to have more than one!) And then, there were the many young girls that had the unfortunate "dunlap" disease. And then there were the women that had WAY too much confidence in the strength of those little plastic bathing suit closures. We were one wrong stretch away from some major wardrobe malfunctions.

All you skinny ladies weren't immune to the unfortunate swimwear choices, either. Like the grandma in her bikini wearing a suit that really needed a good ironing (no, not a "bathing" suit that needed ironing. The "body/birthday" suit of the skin colored variety that she had on under the bathing suit). Then there was the pretty young soccer mom, with three kids in tow. She was wearing the skimpy little tiny weeny bikini and had stretch marks on her belly that resembled a road map of NYC.

In summary, I guess I learned a few important things yesterday.

1. Everyone should own a full length mirror. Believe it or not, they are good, very good; mirrors are my friend. Keep them around - and lots of them; they will save me from unnecessary humiliation
2. Just because you are a size 4 and you CAN wear a bikini, it doesn't necessarily mean you SHOULD wear a bikini.
3. I don't look as bad as I could.
4. And finally, whenever I start beating myself up about my weight, I will just pick myself up by my bathing suit straps and head on over to Splash Country. This will give me a new found confidence and I will leave the park feelin' pretty darned svelte!